Wednesday, January 29, 2014

It's OK to say NO

   It has taken me a very long time to realize that it is OK to say NO. The "people pleaser" part of my personality wants to please everyone by saying yes to everything I am asked to do but in reality I cannot possibly do everything. In my younger years I would run, run, run to try and do everything everyone wanted and still achieve my own goals for the day. Well God lead us to a private boarding school where I was the house parent (foster parent) for 13 teenage girls, social worker to all their parents and all their teachers and medical staff managing their care and a wife, mamma, home school mom and friend. I found that saying yes all the time was literally killing me. I was getting it all done alright, but at the expense of time with my own daughter and husband and my health. I finally realized that NO does not mean you do not care, it means I just cannot right now and you need to find another way. I was saying yes but was frantic and tired all the time, that did not make me fun to be around and made me sometimes resent the tasks I was asked to do. So, as I started to say No, I realized that people found other ways and that they still cared for me and I still cared for them. Sometimes in fact by saying NO it made the person in question look within to see they could do the task they were seeking help for themselves and it turned out better for them to do it themselves. Imagine that !  Then I experienced health problems, which forced me to say NO. After almost 2000 seizures, loosing over half me hair, dropping down to a little over a hundred pounds ( I am 5'8 yikes! ) brain surgery, recovery, later I was diagnosed with Uterine cancer, surgery, and another recovery I had to not only say NO but I had to ask for help and a lot of it. When I had brain surgery I received help whether I asked or not. The amazing thing was when I let others serve me I saw and they saw what they themselves were capable of and the giver and the receiver were both blessed in the process. I watched my girls at the boarding school I worked at after my brain surgery rise to the occasion and run the student home just like 13 little Kimberley's were running around, it was amazing to watch. It gave me the opportunity to see they had been listening and they loved the fact that now I needed them. We had no problems the whole 6 weeks I was out. My girls stepped up and took over and checked on me every day. My daughter and husband both took care of me and ran our home, my husband ran both our home and the student home, he is quite a guy. My mother came after both my surgeries and helped with daily things I needed and helped take care of my daughter and helped her stay abreast of her studies because she is home schooled and lived out day to day life with my husband in total peace. So many people were there to help and I was forced to accept it, which was a biggie for me. I love helping others so why is it such a big deal if I allow others to help me? It's not a big deal, its what we do, help each other.
   I am grateful for those experiences because it made me slow down and helped me realize I am not super woman and I can say NO. Here's the lesson, I am just as valuable if I say No as when I say YES to everything. I do not have to prove my worth. Christ already did that on a cross a long time ago. I still do my best at all times but I now recognize my limits and guess what ? We all have limits, that is OK people.
My admitting your limits, you give someone else the chance to shine. Remember that.

You are valuable
Love, Kimberley

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